Liz and Laura are indeed on Twitter, at @lizlaura in case you’re not already following us, and we’ve put a whole lot of nonsense out into the abyss in the last couple of years. But these are a few of the glimmering tidbits of quasi-humor (or even, dare I say it, insight) that we were able to salvage from the rubble.
20. Movies that glorify boring professions: Sister Act (nunnery), Toys (toy factory), Beverly Hills Cop (being a Beverly Hills cop).
19. There was a news promo that said “Drink up! The beverage that relieves stress.” Uhh…beer?
18. Idea for a double feature movie night: Stephen King’s “Thinner” and “The Santa Clause.” Unexplainable weight change=terrifying or hilarious?
17. Michael Chiarello from Food Network and the Moment of Luxury guy from PBS should be a couple and have a fabulous home together.
16. It’s sad to see people partying like douches at Senor Frog’s in Mexico on NYC Prep, because I’ve done the same damn thing.
15. If people are going to complain every time a youthful looking model gets partially nude, the modeling industry is doomed!
14. Only pussies collect unemployment.
13. They should rename the TV show “Hitched or Ditched” to “Humped or Dumped.”
12. Ads for life insurance like to show beaches.
11. How did the disney monorail have a fatal accident? It goes 35 miles an hour and it’s on a goddamn rail.
10. I’d like to see Dancing with the Starfish.
9. Word that sounds like the opposite of what it means: spendthrift.
8. Don’t you hate when you read “Animal Collective” and for a second it looks like “animal crackers,” which are delicious?
7. Who else thinks it’s about time Sting started using his real name? Gordon Sumner: it’s not that bad.
6. Why is it British people say “sport” where we would say “sports,” but say “maths” instead of “math”?
5. The art of note passing is really lost after high school. Why don’t people pass notes in offices more? Maybe they do and I’m just unpopular.
4. Does a pimp share his business secrets on a need-to-ho basis?
3. I hope moon water makes you turn into a zombie. Then when the first moon resort is built, everyone will turn into moon zombies.
2. It’s not cheating if it’s molestation
1. Do you think “Twitter” will ever get into the dictionary? That would be a sad day indeed.