Noooooo! The Morning Show with Mike and Juliet has been axed!

Mike Juliet

I don’t know how this news escaped me until now, but I’m crushed! The Morning Show with Mike and Juliet is no more! Read it for yourself:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/01/08/morning-show-with-mike-an_n_156377.html

Where will I get my daily dose (or at least the days when I get up before noon) of drunken bitterness? Oh right, Kathie Lee and Hoda are just a channel change away. Just a side note: today Kathie Lee and Hoda found excuses to drink in three separate segments. Tequila, wine, and more wine. They’re fast becoming my heroes.

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The Best and Worst of Daytime TV

Coffee_and_newspaper

One of the best things about working from home, besides the overwhelming bliss of not having to wake up to an alarm clock, is getting to watch the glory that is daytime TV. I don’t care if it’s lowbrow housewife porn with the intellectual depth of a prescription drug commercial, it’s goddamned entertaining! On a sad note, Passions will not be making this list, because it will be no more as of August or so (and it was already relegated to some sort of DirectTV crap channel that I couldn’t watch). Alas! Will daytime TV ever be the same? Maybe this list will answer that question.

Best Daytime Talk Show – Tyra all the way! I love me some makeovers and ass-related discussion panels. Dr. Phil comes in a close second, though. I like watching the crazy people wear down his spirit over the years, to the point where he now just sighs when it’s his turn to talk.

Worst Daytime Talk Show – Obviously, Rachael Ray is a standout in this category. Yuck, now I have a mental image of her hideous horsey visage that I can’t shake. Her raspy cackle already haunts my dreams.

Best Talk Show Host – They’re all pretty bad, but I suppose that gayelle comedienne Ellen DeGeneres is the most competent of the bunch. TyTy Banks is cool too, but I feel like her range is a tad more limited (i.e. she can’t act her way out of a Gucci bag). However, I highly approve of her use of ghetto-style finger snaps and “girl!”s. Let’s call this one a draw.

Worst Talk Show Host – I think it should be obvious at this point that Rachael Ray will be sweeping this category for many years to come, or as long as they keep that monstrosity of a vehicle on the air.

Best Morning Show – I have previously expressed my approval for The Morning Show with Mike and Juliet, and I stand by my declaration that it’s the best of the morning poop shows. I would be watching it right now to alleviate my boredom due to beer-related sleeplessness, except that it’s Saturday. Instead some sort of shitty new version of the Ninja Turtles is on. Saturday morning TV is a whole other article, and not a good one.

Worst Morning ShowRegis and Kelly gives me a terrible feeling, like I’m watching a vision of my own slow, painful death. And in a way I am.

Best Game ShowCash Cab, all the way. Except I can only watch it in bars until I figure out a way to steal cable.

Worst Game Show – That goddamn Family Feud. If someone would at least make a slightly non-retarded guess now and then, I might not hate it so much, but that’s not going to happen. Hell would be a thousand channels of nothing but this.

Mike and Juliet: The most surreal hour of the morning

Mike Juliet

I know I’m going to get some shit for this, but I like The Morning Show with Mike and Juliet. For one thing, the hosts are so obviously disinterested, and probably drunk — and not in an annoying way like Kathie Lee. Speaking of which, has anyone seen the dragged-out trainwreck that has been the fourth (or is it fifth?) hour of The Today Show since Kathie Lee joined the cast? Dear god! It’s like she takes a handful of quaaludes every morning before she goes on! I’m very confused by her continued employment.

Anyway, the point is that the only competition for my attention during the Mike and Juliet hour is the aforementioned disaster of a Today Show hour and, of course, Regis and Kelly. I don’t think I have to explain how I feel about Regis and Kelly. Shudder.

So that leaves me with the underdogs, and I always like the underdog, especially when they’re as desperate and sad as Mike Jerrick and Juliet Huddy. They kind of seem like castoffs from a satirical screenplay by Terry Gilliam or David Lynch, strangely consumed by their own artificiality. Despite this thick facade, you can tell that at least some intelligence lurks behind those dead eyes, screaming to get out, and that’s something I don’t usually see from those Today Show hos (except Hoda, she’s cool).

There’s a cool review of the show from when it first came out in the New York Times (link here). The best line: “This is a kind of marvelous city duo — and a nice breakthrough for morning shows. No giggly hot mom like Kelly Ripa; no model of rectitude and self-sacrifice like Ms. Vieira. And no good old Reege. Or good young Matt. Instead they’re a little sleazy, Mike and Juliet. And a little lonely.

Ah, sleazy and lonely. Just the way I like people.