One of the best things about working from home, besides the overwhelming bliss of not having to wake up to an alarm clock, is getting to watch the glory that is daytime TV. I don’t care if it’s lowbrow housewife porn with the intellectual depth of a prescription drug commercial, it’s goddamned entertaining! On a sad note, Passions will not be making this list, because it will be no more as of August or so (and it was already relegated to some sort of DirectTV crap channel that I couldn’t watch). Alas! Will daytime TV ever be the same? Maybe this list will answer that question.
Best Daytime Talk Show – Tyra all the way! I love me some makeovers and ass-related discussion panels. Dr. Phil comes in a close second, though. I like watching the crazy people wear down his spirit over the years, to the point where he now just sighs when it’s his turn to talk.
Worst Daytime Talk Show – Obviously, Rachael Ray is a standout in this category. Yuck, now I have a mental image of her hideous horsey visage that I can’t shake. Her raspy cackle already haunts my dreams.
Best Talk Show Host – They’re all pretty bad, but I suppose that gayelle comedienne Ellen DeGeneres is the most competent of the bunch. TyTy Banks is cool too, but I feel like her range is a tad more limited (i.e. she can’t act her way out of a Gucci bag). However, I highly approve of her use of ghetto-style finger snaps and “girl!”s. Let’s call this one a draw.
Worst Talk Show Host – I think it should be obvious at this point that Rachael Ray will be sweeping this category for many years to come, or as long as they keep that monstrosity of a vehicle on the air.
Best Morning Show – I have previously expressed my approval for The Morning Show with Mike and Juliet, and I stand by my declaration that it’s the best of the morning poop shows. I would be watching it right now to alleviate my boredom due to beer-related sleeplessness, except that it’s Saturday. Instead some sort of shitty new version of the Ninja Turtles is on. Saturday morning TV is a whole other article, and not a good one.
Worst Morning Show – Regis and Kelly gives me a terrible feeling, like I’m watching a vision of my own slow, painful death. And in a way I am.
Best Game Show – Cash Cab, all the way. Except I can only watch it in bars until I figure out a way to steal cable.
Worst Game Show – That goddamn Family Feud. If someone would at least make a slightly non-retarded guess now and then, I might not hate it so much, but that’s not going to happen. Hell would be a thousand channels of nothing but this.