The 5 Best and Worst Alcoholic Drinks I’ve Had Lately

The Best

1. The Park Life at The Bell House in Gowanus, which contains Ruby Red Absolut, grapefruit juice, Triple Sec and a splash of soda. Perfect for hot summer days.

2. Sixpoint IPA at Quarter in Park Slope south. Always a classic.

3. Chelsea Checker Cab Blond Ale at Ellis Bar in Park Slope south. Cheap and refreshing!

4. Smuttynose IPA from our local grocery store. You can probably tell I like my high alcohol content beers.

5. Homemade mojitos using fresh mint, sugar, club soda, lime juice, and cheap-ass rum. We intended to make mint juleps in honor of the Triple Crown, but mojitos sounded tasty. And they were.

The Worst

1. A bottle of collectible New Year’s champagne from the year 2000 that our landlord gave to us and suggested might still be good. Oh, it was not. But it took me half a glassful to realize that fruity taste wasn’t supposed to be there, not to mention the rich brown hue. I’m still alive, somehow.

2. Budweiser American Ale. I know they were just trying to break into the microbrew market, but, yuck, why did they even bother?

3. Vodka and Diet Coke. Things can get desperate when you’re out of appropriate mixers, but there’s no excuse for this kind of fuckery.

4. Budweiser Select. Do you notice a pattern here, Budweiser? Stick to what you’re mediocre at and quit trying to make these spinoff beers for a more discriminating audience. It’s not gonna happen.

5. Sadly, I have to add Miller High Life to this list, even though I depend on it as my main source of intoxication, due to the fact that it’s $2.22 for two tall (24oz) cans at my local convenience store. I love it and I hate it.

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