Laura’s Special Report on the 2008 Oscars


Laura here, reporting from my couch in Brooklyn. Like many of you, I watched the Oscars this year hoping for fun and excitement, and instead was met with a barrage of boredom. Regardless, the Academy shone its spotlight on indie talent this year in a rare departure from tradition, and you have to give them some credit for that.

Some of the night’s slightly more interesting moments included:

Javier Bardem winning Best Supporting Actor. Except for that Wolverine haircut he was sporting, he was looking foxy as always, and inspired Liz and I to finalize our plans to destroy Penelope Cruz for having the audacity to canoodle with him, when clearly he just hasn’t met the right Brooklyn-based comedy writers yet.

Cate Blanchett loses in a surprise upset. I guess it isn’t enough to put on a wig or a fake nose anymore. If all that critical acclaim and buzz meant nothing, then that begs the question — what happens to hype deferred? Does it wrinkle up like a raisin in the sun?

– Hooray for the Coen Brothers! They could direct an installment of Girls Gone Wild and I’d probably buy the Criterion Collection.

Paul Thomas Anderson was shut out. What in blazes? I was peeved enough that Radiohead’s Johnny Greenwood didn’t get nominated for his brilliant soundtrack for There Will Be Blood, but PTA too? What does the academy have against PTA and his badass movies?

– Thank the sweet heavens, the Academy didn’t do a big jerkoff segment about how Green their production was like last year. Maybe they did and I missed it because I started zoning out around the Lifetime Achievement Award.

…And a few short notes:

Ratatouille was cute and I’m glad it won; I didn’t really like Once, but I’m glad those young’uns won, especially as they were the only independent entry in the category and deserved it more than anyone; Michael Moore dissed — I guess that means we have to wait four more years for universal health care; Brad Renfro was notably left out of the R.I.P. montage — for shame; I loved when Jon Stewart outed Angelina Jolie‘s pregnancy; respect to Diablo Cody for staying true to her rockabilly stripper look and ditching the million dollar shoes for ballet flats; Daniel Day-Lewis rules the school.


3 thoughts on “Laura’s Special Report on the 2008 Oscars

  1. Laura, I’m gonna have to disagree with you here. I think that Bardem’s “wolvie” haircut added quite a bit of “sexy” to his overall palette. And, oddly enough, none of the Coen’s films have ever made it to the Criterion Collection… some words ought be had with those folks… I mean, Michael Fucking Bay has two of them!!

  2. Let me amend my statement. No haircut or other aesthetic choice could render Mr. Bardem to be anything less than spectaculary sexy in my eyes. That said, the semi-mullet he was sporting doesn’t do it for me. No argument however, Colin, we’re in agreement that he looks good.

    I didn’t know about the Criterion thing, and that is messed the F up! Not even Blood Simple, or Barton Fink? And Michael Bay? Really? I think you’re right, we ought to start something with these so-called film experts.

  3. Who was it that called him Xavier? Get with the picture, right? This isn’t X-men…although the Wolverine haircut could have been misleading in that regard. Hmmmm.

    In conclusion, he’s good-looking.

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