Ask Liz and Laura: How long should you wait before gettin’ sexy with a new sweetie?

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Dear Liz and Laura,

I was criticized over the weekend for my 12-hour rule. Basically, I have a rule with women. if I’m starting to date or becoming friend or both or neither, I can’t see them topless or bottomless before being in their presense for 12-hours. Example, you meet a girl at a party, you talk for an hour, decide we should go on a date, that’s an hour. Meet for dinner at 7pm-have drinks until midnight, that’s five hours + 1 = 6 hours. Next date, we got dinner and movie, say 4 hours. that’s 10. So by the third date when it gets to the 2 hours mark, I’m free and clear. You get it? So what do you think of my rule?

A very patient man

Dear Man,

Criticized? So a lady you were on a third date with was wondering why you hadn’t yet laid on the sexy moves? I’d say your policy is quite refreshing in this day and age, what with the booze-driven, “Hey, we just met, let’s bone in the coat check room” attitude that is so common in the modern world of dating. During those crucial first few dates, most of the women I know fret about when it’s appropriate to safely enjoy certain levels of romance, without seeming overly slutty in the gentleman’s mind. We all have our bodily needs and desires, but most of us are also aware that it’s dangerous to rush into physical intimacy before deciding if you actually like the person, or even can stand being in the same room with them for five minutes. Clearly you are well aware of this fact, otherwise, why would you have created this 12-hour rule in the first place?

Thusly, it’s somewhat shocking that this lady friend of yours became so frustrated. We’d say she should appreciate your personal code of courtship, and be glad you’re not another frat boy date rapist trying to slip her a roofiecolada. But perhaps she was unaware of your 12-hour policy, and by the third date was interpreting your failure to make a move as lack of interest. Women accustomed to the singles’ scene (unfortunately) aren’t used to guys restraining themselves for two hours, much less twelve. We’ve all had our humiliating experiences where a crush turns out to be gay, asexual, married, or otherwise undateable, so you can’t blame a girl for taking note of a potential red flag. Bottom line is, if you keep calling, she should know that you’re still havin’ it. Now, if it’s been 36 hours and you still haven’t touched her, we give this girl full license to worry.

Good luck,

Liz and Laura

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2 thoughts on “Ask Liz and Laura: How long should you wait before gettin’ sexy with a new sweetie?

  1. I agree with “Very Patient Man” (sounds like a superhero) and Liz and Laura. This formula is pretty good.

    I like what USA Weekday brought out in a list of ten dating rules, it matches the advice in this column closely:

    Rule 3
    Having sex on a first date doesn’t make you a bad person, but every single person I’ve ever spoken with who did do the deed — and then never heard from his or her date again — always felt like one. First, there’s the feeling of being used, especially for women, even if there is a second date. And men often hold a double standard: If he really likes her, he can actually feel disappointed that she was so quick to hit the sheets. Safety is another concern. Having sex on a first date presumably means being totally alone with someone you don’t really know. RelationTip: Avoid alcohol, to keep from losing your inhibitions. And keep your first date short — long enough to see if there’s chemistry, but not to contemplate acting on it. -

    The Stonewailer

  2. I agree…never have sex on the first date. The second date is definitely more preferable. I had sex with my boyfriend on the second date and we’ve been going strong for 2 years +. The way I see it…sex on the first date is just trashy, not to mention desperate (Yes, I know, many of us have been there), but sex on the second date says, “at least I thought about it!”

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