The 9 Best Non-Polish Records I’ve Found in the Trash

9. In a Sentimental Mood

That woman is thinking naughty thoughts. Also, as a sometime fan of They Might Be Giants, I appreciate knowing what the Longines Symphonette means.

In a Sentimental Mood

8. I Like Beethoven

A musical tribute to the hero of non-conformists everywhere. You can see the record company executives just aching to get a piece of that hippie/beatnik market, and something tells me this didn’t work.

I Like Beethoven

7. How Great Thou Art (Guy & Ralna)

Religious stuff: funny. Outdated clothing and hairstyles: funny. The way Guy is holding Ralna: creepy.

How Great Thou Art

6. Waltz: Arthur Murray’s Music for Dancing

Music for dancing. Guess that just about says it. No need to invest any more time or money in finding music for dancing, because it’s all here on this record. I also love the Dracula-ish expression on the man’s face and the obliviousness of his dancing partner.

Arthur Murray's Music for Dancing

5. Lullaby and Good Night (Gisele MacKenzie)

Doesn’t something in her eyes just scream out, “I put rat poison in little Timmy’s applesauce”? All I know is, that kid looks unnaturally limp.

Lullaby and Good Night

4. Solid Gold Guitar Goes Hawaiian (Al Caiola)

I wish more bands went Hawaiian these days. Those were good times. Relaxing times. Times that made you wish you had a frozen drink right about now. Unfortunately, funds are a little tight here at Liz and Laura headquarters, so the only drink I’ll be having is a Sour Milk-tini.
Solid Gold Guitar Goes Hawaiian

3. Swiss Mountain Music

It says it right there under the title. This album features Hi-Fi alphorns, bells AND yodelling. Laura’s three requirements for an album: check.

Swiss Mountain Music

2. What Now My Love (Herb Alpert & the Tijuana Brass)

Besides having a title that sounds like an annoyed sigh, the picture is great. This chick clearly wants to do dirty things to him, but he’s all, whatever, I’ve got to play my trumpet, baby.

Tijuana Brass

1. ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas (Liberace)

That fur. That amazing fur.

Liberace - Twas the Night Before Christmas

REPO! The Genetic Opera — what the hell??

Apparently, Paris Hilton is in this shittacular movie, along with Sarah Brightman (from “Phantom of the Opera,” and little else) and Spy Kids’ Alexa Vega, of all people. Tell me it isn’t the most confounding preview of the year, next to that Lindsay Lohan stripper/killer movie.

Official Movie Trailer: REPO! The Genetic Opera (2008)

This movie looks like a cross between a feature-length Evanescence video and some crap on the SciFi channel. But as with all unbelievably awful movies, I know I’ll probably have a few too many Yuenglings and download that shit like everyone else. At least for the Paris Hilton scenes, which promise to represent a new low for the “actress.”

Can Arnold save California…as Mr. Freeze??

Damn, those California wildfires are really messed up.  But what does Governor Arnold say?

Excerpt from CNN.com:

California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger declared a state of emergency in seven counties.

“The wind is our number one enemy right now,” he told a late morning news conference.

I knew it!  It’s a mythical battle of the elements, and Arnold is stepping up to the challenge to defeat The Wind!  This shouldn’t be a problem, considering Arnold’s exploits a decade or so ago as a certain Mr. Freeze.

freeze

He’s gonna need his biggest frost gun, but I think we’ll soon find that a puny campfire like this one is no match for a guy in a glowing outfit, especially when he caps off every bout of freezing with an ice-related pun.

Rest easy, California.  You elected a hero.

CMJ Day 5

Ears ringing. Knees aching. Body confused. I’ve been thoroughly rocked.

Here are my pictures from the last day of CMJ 2007. It was cool to check out the new Music Hall of Williamsburg (though I think they should have kept the name North Six – it’s just better in so many ways). The place was really nice though, snazzy, clean, comfortable. Lots of huge plush couches and spots for relaxing, and excellent views from the balcony with its funny wooden risers. Plus, they were giving away free hotdogs, so that was pretty awesome. And boy did I eat a lot of them.

One of the sponsors, Continuum, was raffling off some of the latest books from their excellent 33 1/3 series. Check them out.

(sorry, no pics of Anna Ternheim or …And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Dead, though both played excellent sets. I can describe TotD’s set in one word: loud)

Oh No! Oh My!

Mika Miko

Islands

Will Sheff of Okkervil River

CMJ Day 4

Hey Kids,

Still alive, somehow, after staying late at shows all week and still holding down the ‘ol 9-5. Friday at Union Pool was a real kicker, what with it being the start of the weekend and all. The crowd let loose (got drunk), and I was right along there with them. I had to be up the next morning for a day showcase, so here quickly are some of the sweet pictures I managed to capture:

Chris Mills

The Black Hollies

Takka Takka

This man truly owns an excellent shirt. It’s one of those things someone might wear not just to be fashionably ironic, but because Back to the Future is truly a gem of the motion picture screen.

O’Death totally wrecked the place. Amazing energy all over the stage, the crowd going insane, the band consuming admirable amounts of booze on stage. This one ecstatic girl kept trying to get members of the band to drink from her bottle of Bailey’s Irish Cream. A few of them accepted, but not without a confused look and a grin. I mean, seriously, who smuggles Bailey’s into a bar? A whole bottle? Get a flask! And fill with it with not Bailey’s. Are we 14? Not to be mean though – in the end, booze is booze.